Photo of storm cloud by Mike Olbinski

Early evening.
As I left the house and stepped into the balmy air that was tingling with the announcement of rain, I felt at that moment that I wanted to live always outdoors.
To be forever in the presence of that mysterious creature, Nature.
She who is the source and the sum of all life.
I want to be there when she changes, especially in the evening.
I want to hear her music and her racket.
I want to see her wrath and her calm.
I want to be aware of her chaos morphing silently.
In her mystery I feel at home.

Music map from Music Popcorn

I was thinking the other day about the meaning of words. I’m in the middle of reading a rather old tale: the English version of The Count of Monte Cristo published in 1844. Because the book is old, and certain words are preserved in their native French or Italian, I have to look up the definitions of words now and then. I realized that words and their meanings are malleable, inconcrete things.

When you look up a word in the dictionary, a lot of times there is more than one definition listed, and these are listed for you (1, 2, 3…) so you can quickly find the meaning that applies to your situation. So words can have various shades of meaning. Through time and use, the meaning of certain words gets nudged in different directions depending on how people choose to use them. So words change as people change. They are not, as I have often thought of them, inscribed in stone since the beginning of time, with definite definitions. I guess my brain tends to think of them that way because I like categorizing things. I like languages because they adhere to a grammar; because they follow ordered systems that can be learned and memorized. My left brain adores this dependable structure of language, and I’ve always absorbed the definitions of words easily into my memory. Yet words are far from being concrete. Words are nothing more than empty symbols until people prescribe meaning to them, and these meanings can be as nuanced as people’s feelings. Words are our imperfect attempt to describe sensations that defy categorization.

And this brings me to the topic of genres in music. I’m not alone in my love of categorizing things. As people we like to categorize our art into so-called genres, and these genres are really just words we use to refer to an artificial grouping of things. When we talk about rock or jazz music, for example, we are using a simple four-letter word to contain what is really a vast history too complex to fit into such an absurdly small box. When we talk about rock, we’re referring to a roughly century-long tradition in music history that involves, well, a guitar. But a guitar is pretty much the only thing that rock musicians share in common. Every other aspect about their music can be widely different. What we try to do with music genres is take every individual musician that pertains to a particular style, at least to some degree, and shove them in a box and put a one-word label on it. But if we open the box and take a good look at the artists inside, we discover a world of differences between them.

In my last post I reviewed Seth Chapla’s music, which is a kind of instrumental rock. His style reminded me of Steve Vai, and Steve Vai was taught by Joe Satriani. There is a clear connection between the three musicians as you travel backward in time. But the connection is only clear because their style is singular and hasn’t been copied a thousand times by other musicians. And they are all fairly contemporary. One night I went even further down that path of music history. I found that Joe Satriani (born 1956) was influenced by Jeff Beck, the English guitarist who played with The Yardbirds (born 1944), and he in turn cited Les Paul as an influence (born 1915 in America), and from there I landed on Rosetta Tharpe, a black gospel singer from Alabama who played an electric guitar like nobody’s business, and who clearly made an impact on Elvis and probably a whole generation of musicians who picked up an electric guitar in the 50’s and 60’s and created what we now think of when we say “rock music.” I watched a great documentary about Rosetta, and it was great because she has a sensational biography. I highly recommend it. She blew me away because I had never heard of her. And I’m American and listen to a lot of rock music! Check out this great video of her playing “Didn’t It Rain” at a train station.

What’s also interesting is that she was never inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. How can the curators of rock history not recognize that this rockin’ gal deserves a place in its annals?

Take any of the guitarists I mentioned above, and you will find that all of them play a different style of music. And you’ll find that they were influenced by not one musician, who was also unique in his/her own way, but many. So we can forget about the term “rock.” How can we really come up with a word that sums up a musician’s style when they are expressing themselves from the heart? I endeavored to learn about the history of rock music, but when I dug into it, I found that there was simply music. Genres are not particularly useful except to give a vague gesture toward a trend in music history, but in reality there are just people making music. We can’t create a word for what they create. But we can talk about how we feel when we hear it, and if we talk from the heart, then we are saying words that have meaning.

Sunrise in Victoria, British Columbia. June, 2014.

One morning I saw a ship burning in the sky. I looked up and there it was. Crimson flames engulfing it, black smoke billowing out around its sides. The ship was still sailing, slow and smooth, a dying monstrosity. It looked like it was moving in slow motion, like a giant crashing to earth after receiving a fatal blow. It was a sight that caught my breath.

The ship was, in fact, a cloud that I glimpsed at sunrise over the bay. I had climbed the ridge at dawn, inspired by the first light in the east where the sky was ablaze with fierce pinks and purples. Upon the ridge, I sat on a bench where there is a 360° view of the bay. I felt like I was at the center of an unfolding drama. A breeze carried dark clouds off the hills at my back and into the sea, and the clouds hid the sun as it rose over the wild and rugged Eastbourne slopes in the distance. For over an hour I sat there, shivering in my t-shirt despite the unusual warmth at that early hour, hoping to catch sight of the sun through the clouds and all the while guessing at its position. That was when I saw it. The clouds parted for an instant to make a window in the middle of the sky, and through that window I saw a cloud on fire, its edges glowing fiercely as they were touched by an unseen sun. Those glowing edges shone so brightly in comparison to the dull grey light in the bay. A few seconds later, the window closed. The sky would be cloudy for the rest of the morning. I realized I was the only person to have seen a magnificent sight: what looked like a burning ship in its final hour. Read more

Sunset in Island Bay

I was slightly reluctant to stop at No. 8 Recyclers on my way home from dropping Florian off at work that morning, but as I saw it approaching on my right, I resigned myself to forge ahead with the plan, and pulled over across the street. It was an overcast day, which gave me pause. I’m always conscious of the weather when I’m contemplating a bold move. If the weather is favorable, it gives me a feeling of good luck. Good weather makes people more agreeable, too. Maybe the weather wasn’t quite right today. Or maybe I was just trying to use it as an excuse.

I went inside. I didn’t see the old man at the desk when I entered, so in order to justify my arrival to no one in particular, I turned to browse a rack of terracotta pots on my right. Well, if the old man wasn’t there, I might as well poke around and see if I could find something to make my visit worthwhile. Some might call this secondhand warehouse a junkyard; others might call it a treasure trove. It made me feel like I was inside the hull of a big wooden ship that had washed ashore in Lyall Bay. It was bigger than a barn, and full of undiscovered gems. Sure, everything was covered in a thick layer of grime and grease and dust, but that didn’t deter the true treasure hunter.

The more I went there, the more intrigued I became. I lost myself in those tall aisles, rummaging through containers of assorted nails, screws, bolts, buckets of hinges, doorknobs, rusty handsaws missing teeth, shelves of candelabras and rotary phones, a bin of dusty burlap bags next to a stack of old picture frames. Opposite this mess, the other side of the building was carefully lined with beautiful old French doors and windows of every style. There were big back doors that opened onto a timber yard, allowing a breeze to waft through the dusty high-ceilinged cave. Read more

It’s a sunny morning and I’m seated outside as usual with a cup of tea, a boule of bread baking in the oven. I had enough wine last night to give me a very slight hangover, and now I’m nursing it with the tea, a banana, and sunshine. It was a Bordeaux; a birthday Bordeaux. Florian had looked up the best French chef in Wellington, winner of competitions, and found his little restaurant called Jano.

Jano Bistro in Wellington, New Zealand

As we approached by night, it barely looked like a place of business. It was a petite little cottage with a pointed roof and warm yellow light spilling out its windows onto a covered front porch. The signage was understated.

“Florian?” The hostess glanced up from the reservation and welcomed us with a warm smile. She took our coats, then led us up a narrow set of stairs to the second floor. There we found wooden floors and private booths. The room was well lit, but the light was gentle, and so were the colors it caressed. A brick chimney added a rustic feeling.  Read more

Beneath the gore and smoke and loam, this book is about the evanescence of life, and why some men choose to fill their brief allotment of time engaging the impossible, others in the manufacture of sorrow. In the end it is a story of the ineluctable conflict between good and evil, daylight and darkness, the White City and the Black.

Erik Larson’s prologue well captures the spirit of this tale. His words are a better introduction than I could hope to write in order to inspire any would-be readers. Though it reads like a novel, this is a book of history that immerses the reader in a time and place long forgotten. It tells in parallel the biography of two fascinating, ambitious, and clever men: the architect Daniel Burnham and a psychopathic killer who went by the alias H. H. Holmes, among many others.

The author clarifies straight away that this is not a book of fiction. Anything appearing between quotation marks comes from an original letter or document. The bibliography is extensive, indicating that this book probably required years of research. He goes into some detail in the epilogue about his in-depth search for original sources. It’s worthwhile to acknowledge Larson’s devotion to the facts, because the story told is one that amazes and confounds.
Read more

The wind blows something fierce here. Especially in Island Bay, where the coast is exposed to what the locals call the ‘Southerly.’ The Southerly is a strong gale that funnels into the bay from the south, sometimes lasting for days.

I love the wind storms. Wind whipping every which way in short, furious gusts, throwing sheets of rain at the windows. There is no thunder and no lightning. But there is a sound that rolls like thunder, and I can never tell if it’s the wind or the sea.

The wind is a shapeshifter. Its favorite form is an invisible winged goblin that rushes around angrily. It flies through the trees and across roofs, revealing its location only by the things it brushes. It’s everywhere at once, chaotic and tormented. Unpredictable and violent. At night it’s an eery presence to hear outside the house, making one glad to be inside. It sounds like someone who is enraged to find something has been stolen, and is storming around looking for something on which to unleash its fury.

When the wind is angry, the sea is angry. Once, perplexed by the thunderous sound that filled the air, I went to the coast to see what was the source of the din: the wind or the water. I was sure I’d find the answer. Instead, I only became more confused the closer I got to the sea. At the water’s edge, there was no distinction between water and air. Both were everywhere. The waves crashed while the wind drove rain and sea-spray in all directions. The raucous noise of wind and water was perpetual and deafening.

I’m moved by the elements, and feel drawn to them because of their sheer power. Their magnitude has no finite size or scale. The tiny flame of a match, a gentle breeze, or a small stream moves and touches its environment with the same destructive potential as a forest fire, a hurricane, or a flood. I’m awed by the elements because they are not like me; they can grow to any size, without limits. And they are always in motion.

As I sit on the grass on my front lawn, enjoying a light lunch and a cup of black tea with milk, the sun hits me pleasantly in the face. And another thing hits me. How did I get so lucky?

I wasn’t just lucky today, or yesterday, or part of last year. I’ve been lucky since the day I was born. But what is luck, really? A newborn baby has no knowledge that allows it to put value on the things it has. And even when you’re grown up, to feel lucky is a personal perspective rather than an objective fact. So, what does it mean to feel lucky? Why do I feel lucky? For me, it’s a feeling of being rich in many things: in family, in love, in having a nice home to live in. And it’s about freedoms that I enjoy, that I try not to take for granted. I’m truly free to choose my own path. I’ve also learned from history that I’m lucky to have been born in a free, democratic society. Read more

I am a river catching clouds,
Carrying them over mountains.
Over aeons I weave songs in my flowing.
Mellow, lulling, lifting, slowing.

I twinkle with the echoes of knowing.
Men and women’s voices
Wrapped in a veil,
Emitting light,
Are my sheen and my thrum.
In the stillness at twilight,
I weld their frequencies
With the fire of sapphire suns.

At night I am constellated by stars,
My depths struck by angel’s flutes,
And when dove feathers come to rest,
I touch them one by one,
And let them go.

I helped Rachael and Adam build a wigwam this weekend. I was the Firekeeper and Chef, among other things. The canned beans were delicious, especially after working hard all morning in 30 degree weather.

We got a surprise hailstorm yesterday. It was a weird day…started out all gray and drizzly, then the sun was shining and it was warm, then this hail came… The sun returned later and the trees were all ablaze in reds and oranges. Interesting November we’ve had.

Currently reading…and very much enjoying. I like Miss Rand’s faith in the strength of the individual. She doesn’t go half-way on that. She says,

“Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven. But not those who lack the courage of their own greatness.”

“A noble soul has reverence for itself.”

–Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

Ayn Rand cites this quote in her introduction to The Fountainhead. She says, “[Nietzsche] projects at times a magnificient feeling for man’s greatness, expressed in emotional, not intellectual terms.” She likes how the quote “communicates the inner state of exalted self-esteem.”

Nietzsche’s own words explain it: Among artists and scholars today we find a sufficient number of those who through their works reveal how a profound desire for what is noble drives them: but this very need for what is noble is fundamentally different from the needs of the noble soul itself and is really the eloquent and dangerous indication that such a soul is lacking. It’s not the works; it’s the belief which decides here, which here establishes the order of rank, to take up once more an old religious formula with a new and more profound understanding: some basic certainty which a noble soul has about itself, something which is not to be sought, is not to be found, and perhaps, also, is not to be lost.

I really like this idea and identify with it, because it speaks to a quality of the soul that is unaffected by the desires and vices and typical insecurities of mankind. It also hearkens back to a primitive soul that is much like that found in nature’s creatures. It is a soul that doesn’t have (or find) a need to question or doubt itself.